Top 5 Valentine’s gifts. Baby.

In my last blog I “stuck it to the man” with my scathing criticisms of traditional Valentines gifts. But I don’t want to come off as your run of the mill hypocritical whiner who likes to point out problems, while offering no solutions.

That’s why I put together this handy lil’ top 5 list that I’m calling: “Amy’s cheap love givins’ buffet. Baby.”

Yep, it’s your dream list of the top 5 perfectly affordable, practically ethical, gender neutral and super-sexy gifts to help you woo that special someone. “The man” isn’t going to like it, but I think you will. Here it is, folks:

Amy’s cheap love givins’ buffet. Baby.

5. The number five gift is obviously: flowers that you stole from your neighbour’s garden. They’re cheap, they’re grown locally and the effort (and possible jail time) you’ll have to put in gives this gift that extra special touch.

4. A picture of what your kids would look like. This is just good planning, especially if you’re getting to that scary serious stage. Don’t feel limited by time though, it is a smooth move for a first date too. Just download the program and go get em’ you forward looking romancer you!

3. Practical underwear. I’m pretty sure that almost everyone wears underwear, but relatively few enjoy the feel of anything edible, sequined, or leather on a day-to-day basis. Based on amount of time worn, those fancy (under) pants just aren’t worth the price tag. So what if your gift came in a 5-pack? Your sweetheart will appreciate that you possess the most romantic qualities of all: practicality and thriftiness. Oooh la la.

2. A nice collage. Pull out your safety scissors and your Elmer’s glue. I recommend a nice collage of all of the things you would’ve got them if you had the money, or the will (maybe don’t say that last part). The best part of this gift: see ‘romantic qualities’ above.

1. Pens. Are you losing pens all of the time? I know I am. Maybe they aren’t the greenest gift, but damned if they aren’t useful. You can even use them to write romantic notes to one another, if you want! That’s why pens are my number one Valentine’s Day gift!

Well, glad I could help you out, friends. Enjoy a sexily practical and thrifty Valentine’s!