Saturday, June 6, 2020
News, analysis and commentary by UBC Journalism students


Craigslist – or how to sort your life out

What do you do when you’ve lost your job, can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend and live with your parents? You retreat…

By Ryan Fletcher , in This Cyber Life , on March 2, 2009

What do you do when you’ve lost your job, can’t get a girlfriend/boyfriend and live with your parents?

You retreat into an Internet world that better suits the reality in your head that’s what.

But instead of turning yourself into a loin cloth wearing, axe wielding barbarian wandering the virtual land of Warcraft, and replacing human interaction with chat room reality, piece your existence back together with craigslist.

It is a one-stop shop for everything you could possibly need in real life on the Internet. First you’ll need to get a job. Here’s one from craigslist’s finest:

The Hair Whisperers Lice Removal service is looking for someone based in San Fransisco to remove lice and eggs from people infected with lice. Qualified candidates should have valid driver’s license, great close up eyesight, feel comfortable going into people’s homes, be personable, good with children, and extremely detailed oriented. Squeamish people need not apply. A good sense of humor a plus! A background check is required, and references will be checked as well. To be considered, all applicants must include where they live, and what times and days they are available. Travel is not paid for. No Weekend Only please.

Driving is a large part of this job, and the longer you are willing to drive, the more you will work. Driving is unpaid. You can set your own hours, and choose when you work, but should be available at least a few hours every day. No 9-5-ers looking to start work at 6 pm, as children often go to sleep at 8. We will train qualified applicants.

Perfect you can borrow your parent’s car when they come home from work and still spend a considerable amount of time building your Warcraft reputation to epic proportions during the day.

But you still live at your Mum’s and that isn’t the way forward if you plan to become a super hot chick/guy magnet. You need somewhere to live. How about this craigslist gem?

 ..I am looking for someone to rent my rent controlled apartment. The monthly rent is extremely cheap and would be a dream for many people in this city. It is in the east village close to A and 3rd. I caught my wife in bed with our neighbor who is almost 20 years younger than her. She is refusing to move out and still seeing him when I am at work, on my bed…I need someone to move in and help me get her out. Man or woman. My plan is to act like we are a couple until she can’t take it anymore. I have done everything possible to try and get her out..But she is a scumbag….So we need to create some type of plan that would get her out..i would charge you very cheap and all you would have to do is act like we are dating. We might have to kiss if front her and make fake sounds when we are in the bedroom. Please respond with a detailed description of your plan to get her out and a little about your self.

Excellent – cheap rent and the added extra of pretending that you’re in a relationship – this makes it much easier for future dating explorations- “I lived with this guy for a while, he liked me but I wasn’t that into him etc etc” Now you can say you’ve had experience and someone found you desirable – great.

Let’s take it a step further – say lice removal really took off, and you branched out from the practice relationship, and found another craigslist abode to live in.

You need a wife or husband or possibly both – well on craigslist you’re just a click away from lifelong happiness. This craigslist catch is defo one to consider:

I decided tomorrow I want to get married, So any takers. Im attractive, not a psycho…well not completly:)- have a job, car, my own place, im very independent…i love sex and my husband will have to be able to keep up with me…ive never wanted to get married…ever. But life is pretty boring right now and i feel like if i get married at least its something exciting. So ur probably wondering if im all these great things why dont I have a man…ha I get asked that everytime i go on a first date. I always dread that question, but truth is once i sleep with the man i lose interest…stupidly. But i figure if im married, that means A this person is as spontaneous as I am, B I cant just walk away…and C hopefully he will satisfy me.

AND I dont want to get messages saying marriage is sacred I cant do this blah blah blah because to that i say bullshit. Anyone should be allowed to get married to who they choose and get married for whatever reasons they choose. I choose to marry a stranger because maybe that stranger is who im looking for.

I will send a photo if I recieve a photo…Im looking for someone thats between 21-33, attractive…obviously 🙂 Has their own place, job, ect. Someone who has his shit together but crazy enough to marry a stranger…Race doesnt matter but i love latin men and black/ mixed with something men .

PS i dont cook!

Good luck and remember – next time you have a problem it can be solved on www.craigslist.org